My Goals Are Mine
This post is adapted from this thread from July 24, 2025.
advice to self I am slowly integrating: others' goals are not yours, and only yours matter.
— Callan (@callanable)
I want to elaborate:
I am currently in a very weird place in life. Less than three months ago the “stable” vision for my future was utterly shattered. I found myself living in another state, with family I typically see 1x/year, unemployed, single, grieving many losses, etc.
As long as I can remember, I’ve been someone who values “self-improvement.” I tried to optimize productivity, health, relationships—I mean everything.
I read blogs and reddit posts and self-help books and tried to take everyone’s advice.
I’d been building a home. After completing a three-year lease, we re-signed for three more years. I tried to improve the space as a relatively long-term investment, but long story short, suddenly that was no longer available to me. I left many things behind and now am surrounded by items that feel irrelevant, frustrating reminders of my failure.
Another thing I used to try to optimize for was fitness. I would go for runs that pushed me to this or that limit—8-minute mile, 25-minute 5k, 30 miles a week, etc. Those goals left me underweight and without a period. And I hated running.
Today I decided to run, and I did not think about my mile time or heart rate or anything.
“Feels like 96F”
man, it’s already 11:30am should I give up?
omg I got my period early
ugh I can’t maintain the simplest routine
okay, let’s go
I started running but only got a few feet before this hydrangea (literally) stopped me in my tracks. so I took a photo.
A few more steps and then oh, look at this too.
Hey, apples!
Okay, focus, this is a workout—no, wait, let me appreciate this.
(The mosquitos got me anyway.)
should I detour to see the pond? never know what you’ll see…
(Check out the original twitter thread to see a video of this heron!)
My thoughts were at war:
ugh Callan why are you so slow?
come on, I’m looking at this heron!
…and the hydrangeas were so beautiful!
…I’m actually living!!!
who cares about speed? this is what it’s about!
Incredible things to see in under two miles, continued:
Oh, so I’d made plans with my grandma, her husband, my dad, and my stepmom to jump off the dock around lunchtime.
I was late—something I’ve rarely been before—which meant I got to take this wonderful photo of two generations hanging out (that’s them in the middle):
We all jumped in! …I guess I jumped in too loud.
My grandma and her husband and I sat for a bit to dry off. From my vantage point, I watched these kids jump off the dock. Ah, youth.
We decided to drop by the local sailor pub for a drink, which was great because it was 1pm and I hadn’t eaten yet.
But first, let me draw your attention to this castle.
And the hydrangeas continued to destroy me:
is an 8% IPA and $4 onion rings optimal?
ehhh probably not
But what is the value of an opportunity to hang out at the bar with your 84-year-old grandmother and her husband at 1pm on a Friday?
We walked home and while I was in the shower, Nana made us grilled cheeses.
I, the eternal IT guy, helped Nana’s husband transfer his phone (literally run over by a car a month ago, in permanent “lightsaber mode” as he called it) to my dad’s old phone.
(The grilled cheese was amazing.)
So…
What are my goals?
What is this worth?
Seems like a lot, even if I’m not doing what I Thought I Should Do.
I’m no longer grasping and I am satisfied.
(I feel like I should have a conclusion here but I don’t. It’s whatever you wanna make of it. This was just my day, and it’s not even 4pm! Or maybe that’s the beers talking. But I think the message is pretty clear.)
Okay one more thing; this post is now over:
Sorry, last thing, now this post is done.
